


Out of Eden, Into Church

by fanficfriends



Series: Session 1 [5]
Category: Christianity - Fandom, East of Eden - John Steinbeck, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Supernatural, The Bible
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Creation Myth, Daddy Issues, F/M, adam gets cucked, its in a castle how romantic!, love fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 12:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21299393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficfriends/pseuds/fanficfriends
Summary: Eve just gets out of the Garden of Eden naked and afraid, and stumbles into Mr. Collin's castle. Does Eve stay faithful to Adam and Daddy God, or does she follow her heart?
Relationships: Adam/Eve, Eve (The Bible)/Mr.Collins
Series: Session 1 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535435
Kudos: 5





	Out of Eden, Into Church

Eve, just excavated from the Garden of Eden, sat in the new world, realizing that she was naked. 

“Uh-oh!” thought Eve, “I’m not clothed!”

“That’s okay,” said a voice coming from behind her, “I don’t mind.”

“Adam?” cried Eve, “I’m so sorry I made you eat that apple! It was a mistake, that snake just seduced me so much. I was created as a helper for you, and I messed that up, I’m just so sorry-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. But my names not Adam. I’m Reverend. Reverend Mr. Collins. Call me Mr. Collins”

Eve gasped, suddenly noticing that her body was being observed by someone who was not her true mate, Adam. But she didn’t really mind, she sort of liked it. Adam never treated her right. He blamed her for getting that kicked out of Eden. He was also sort of her brother since they both were created by God. 

“Hmm,” Though Eve, “I’ve already sinned, in fact the original sin was by me. How bad would it be if a sinned again.” Before she knew it her lips and naked body were wrapped around Mr. Collins. His reverendly and godly orbs, ogled her up and down and their bodies never lost contact. Momentarily, Eve felt her bare back on a cold, smooth ground.

“Mr. Collins,” Eve murmured while he gave her butterfly kisses, “Where am I? This is no Eden.”

“This is my castle where I study Bible and God stuff” He replied, “I never thought that I could get into the pants of the sexiest Bible character ever. Some guys at seminary were really into Song of Solomon, but I found Genesis the best. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and how you deserve so much better than Adam.”

“What’s the Bible? And what’s a castle, I’ve only ever been in Eden?” Eve asked.

“Oh, nevermind. Just remember that you deserve more and it’s not your fault. You deserve love.” Just as Mr. Collins started to really caress the body parts that Eve never before understood as naked, they heard thunder from outside. As they continued to make out, the thunder just increased in loudness and scariness. 

“It’s daddy God!” Eve cried.

“You mean God?” Reverend replied. 

“No, he’s daddy. He only talks to me in weather. Sunshine means he’s happy, wind means he’s concerned, and thunder, thunder means he’s angry. He only did that once, with the apple! I have to go!”

Eve ran out, taking some curtains off the castle’s walls to cover her naked body. She kept on running until she ran straight into Adam.

“Where were you? And what is this?” Adam screamed, pulling the curtain, “Also you smell different. Were you with another snake?”

“No, I wasn’t doing anything thing. Here take some of this curtain to cover your nakedness, it’s making me uncomfy.” The thunder raged on in the background, “Oh, I have to talk to daddy, he’s calling for me.”

Eve ran to another corner of the barren land to have a conversation with God away from Adam.

“Oh, Daddy, why are you so angry?” Eve cried to the sky.

“Eve, I don’t think I’ve done enough to curse you.” God thundered, “I’ve already made you be in pain when you deliver babies, you a ‘helper,’ and given you menstruation. But that’s not enough. I think I need to do more. So that you do not make the original sin part two, I must make sure you are under control. Tomorrow you are marrying Adam.”

“Marrying, daddy!” Eve replied, “What does that mean?”

“It means that you are bound to him and can not create anymore naughtiness.” God thundered back, “I have created one more human to help me with the process. You will meet him tomorrow at the ceremony.”

Eve cried the entire night until the next morning where she had to put on stupid clothes again so that she could get married. The tears continued to fall as she walked down the aisle, but she had other thoughts.

“Hmm,” Eve thought, “This place looks familiar. There’s only one place that I know with a smooth marble floor and these curtains. That was the only place that I was truly happy, I wasn’t even happy in Eden. That’s why I ate the apple.”

When she took off her veil at the end of the aisle, she gasped. 

“Woah!” Eve whispered, “Mr. Reverend Collins! What are you doing here, are you the extra human that daddy created?”   
  
“I am here on this second day after Eden to marry Adam and Eve.” Mr. Collins said out loud to everyone. “Do you Adam, take Eve to be your wife forever?”

“I do.” Said Adam, grabbing Eve’s wrists, “Forever.”   
  


“Do you, Even, take Adam to be your husband forever?” Mr. Collins said looking directly into Eve’s eyes. There was a moment’s delay until Eve heard daddy’s thundering from outside the windows. 

“I do” Said Eve, shedding a soft tear down her cheek.

Later that night, Eve and Adam sat in their makeshift bed under the stars and in the wind. 

“Hmm,” Adam said, “Daddy’s trying to tell us something. I think I hear ‘consummation’” 

“What does that mean?” Eve replied wistfully. Adam didn’t reply with words, only with removing his curtain and become naked again.

“I need to go pee! I’ll be right back!” Eve cried as she ran away. She ran all the way to the castle, not looking back behind her. She banged on the front of the door of the castle.

“Mr. Collins open the door!” Eve yelled, “I want to ‘consummate’ with you!”

Mr. Collins was at the door immediately, throwing open the door. It was then that Eve realized that she had forgotten her curtain back in bed with Adam and was back to her original nudity. Even though Mr. Collins was still in his full Reverend outfit. Eve admired how his hat framed his chiseled facial features. The reverend collar was simultaneously so beautiful that Eve wanted to look at it forever, but also so sexy that Eve just wanted to rip it off. So she did.

“Woah!” Mr. Collins thought, “I know that Eve was sexy, but I didn’t know how dominant she could be. I guess to commit the original sin, you must be a dom. I like that!”   
  


So Mr. Collins was into it. He let Eve remove every article of clothing, except for his hat, so that they matched nudity. 

“Hey, is it okay if I use this?” Mr. Collins asked, taking out a condom, “It’s so you won’t get pregnant and God and Adam won’t know since you will not get a disease.”

“Yeah,” Murmured Eve to Mr. Collins under his hat, “But daddy said to be fruitful and to multiply and I don’t care! He’s all knowing anyway.”   
  
“Okay” said Mr. Collins, and they went at it. Eve bit into Mr. Collin’s manliness harder than she bit that apple and slithered around him more than the serpent in the Garden. 

Even though that was the best evening that Eve had ever had, it could never happen again. God created a new type of weather, a hurricane, and blew Mr. Collins away. They never saw each other again. 

Nine months later, Eve gave birth to her first son Cain, and Adam believed that he was his son. So, everyone, you and me, are all descendants of Mr. Collins. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Might right more but idk yet :/


End file.
